Stronger

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

I just wanted to write down my thoughts that had been going through my mind for the last few days. Maybe it had been etching for far too long, and maybe only now I realized what I really thought about myself. But before I explain further, I have a question to ask you, whom is reading this.

Have you ever had someone that sees the goodness in you, that you don't even see in yourself?

Being someone that doesn't quite believe in herself, who carries a lot of struggles and scars, I find it absurd how someone can view me as a person that is totally different from my own perspective of my own self. This person--my friend--wrote a lengthy message to me, explaining how he sees me from his point of view, and I broke down while I read what he said.

To say that I was touched, was an understatement.

I realized then, that all this time, I had degraded myself. But I cannot help it. I carry a lot of scars from my past. I was broken many times when I was a child, when my heart was still fragile. I remember crying to sleep during nights, I remember feeling so small compared to everyone else. I remember being downgraded by my own friends. I remember feeling so miserable that I couldn't take it anymore. I felt so alone when I was little. The dark memories still follow me around until today. And I guess, whatever pain you had endured during your childhood, will haunt you forever. Whatever bad past that had happened to you, the scar will still remain until now. And I admit, I still haven't fix what had broken. I don't think it will ever get fixed.

So to have someone that genuinely thinks good of you, who sees you as someone as a whole when you, yourself, do not, it just. . .means a lot.

I'm not good person. I am filled with shortcomings, and I have dark secrets that I don't think you can cope. I can be your worst nightmare.

But all in all, despite everything, I'm grateful to Allah, because whatever that happened to me in my past, shaped me into what I am today.

A stronger human being.